Saturday, July 21, 2007
getting so damn frustrated... be warned... ranting
fine... i did better than lot's of people for midyears. heck, i'm still disappointed with myself not because i didn't do as well as my classmates blah blah but more because i failed to live up to my own expectations. perhaps i should start studying mor... studying. today was ptm and i found out i had a D for current affairs, better than i expected but still...
now the only thing i look forward to each week is council meeting. the teachers so remind me of a teacher i knew and sji. anyway, i like the meetings cuz it seems like that is the only time in which i acutally learn and grow, at least in my faith. starting from this year i guess, i lost interest in my studies and was more drawn to my faith. (a good thing or not? i'm not really sure). I love God, or at least i think i do. Michelle once asked us stoners, how do we know that we are truly loving God for the right reasons? i answered her question by saying we have to look for various indicators. eg... we love our friends and family right? we love telling them stuff that happens to us each day right? isn't that one indicator that we love them? we WANT to share our life with them. The same for God, do WE WANT to share our life with him? Or do we only go to him in times of need. So i asked myself, do i really love God?
then, i thought about something - thirst for God and knowledge (about him). THIS is one of the reasons why i'm getting frustrated. Everyone is at different points in their life where their faith matters to them in different ways. Everyone is also at different levels of faith. Some might be at a point where they jus want to experience God more fully or perhaps to become more active in church or to grow socially. i'm at a point where i WANT to know more about him, about the church, about her teachings, about the impact the church has made and can make, about how WE are affected etc. i miss religious and moral education under friar mike and brother mike, legion meetings under guidance of mr dominic ang... i learnt a lot there under their guidance. now... i'm not really learning...
people are more interested in praise and worship or jus having fun during sessions. people who dun mind learning jus wait for others to plan session, soaking everything like a sponge, (taking almost everything at face value btw), and never contribute. sounds a bit harsh but... here's what i see. i've shared and taught u guys all that i've learned from my experiences and my teachers over the last 2 years: a bit on the church's history, how to plan session, reflections, what the church teaches us and a lot more.
what i've learnt from you guys, i had to squeeze them out. the only reason i do stay is cuz u guys are my friends and we are a community. i want u all to grow and i get lots of satisfaction knowing that u've taken something away from the sessions i plan but i'm running dry. now, people dun come for sessions for reallllyyyy irritating reasons... can't wake up cuz too tired, watched soccer till 3 am, have to go for mass cuz woke up too late, want to go out with someone and so on. do we really love God? i planned for session once and jus because we had only 8 other people who came that day, i hear "y dun we save the session for another time and let's go out." do YOU GUYS KNOW HOW HURT I WAS?!?!?!?!?!?! People ****ing took the time to plan for session and u guys can't even be bothered to GO for session? (seriously, i'm not saying everyone's like that, i really admire the people who do come for sessions regularly and i can truly see that they try to grow in their faith) but seriously, we get volunteers to do session, then 1 or 2 days before the next session, they complain that they didn't have the time to do session. fine, i dun mind doing the session, u have exams or lots of CCA committments. once... twice... thrice.!..!..! FOUR times.... fine.... fIvE!! ... DO I REALLY LOOK SO FREE?! jus cause i dun mind doing sessions a few times doesn't mean i can do it EVERYTIME! Do i NOT have CCA committments? do i NOT have exams? do i NOT have to deal with my HW or STUDIES? whatever happened to the community part?
some say the sessions i do are good (thank you for saying tt), but it's good... for YOU GUYS... i dun learn much from the session i did u know (unless there are sharings or discussions).
i liked michelle's session on that book thing btw. about trying to be relevant etc. i learnt something that day and i left rather glad.
now... i have to PLAN for SESSION AGAIN.... cuz someone DOESN"T know what to do AND DOESN"T HAVE the TIME. HAS THE SESSION I JUST DONE LAST WEEK ABOUT HOW TO PLAN SESSIONS FAILED SO MISERABLY? HOW CAN WE SAY WE WANT TO LEARN IF WE OURSELVES WILL NOT TRY??!?HOW CAN WE EVER MAKE MISTAKES AND LEARN IF WE NEVER GAVE OURSELVES THE CHANCE TO DO SO? WILL WE ALWAYS GIVE THE SAME EXCUSE OVER AND OVER?
sigh... i Could do with some help guys...
Dear Lord, i am getting really frustrated lately. grant me peace of mind and the patience to continue loving my friends. help me grow closer to you, that i will continue following Your Will whatever it might be. Amen."i will continue O my God, to do all my actions for the love of You"wrote at
4:50 AM
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Friday, July 13, 2007
It's NOT about midyears - Dart Test
DART TEST
A young lady named Sally , relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.
One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr.
Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry , and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.
Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend . Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr Smith , because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.
Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus . A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.
Dr. Smith said only these words... " In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me ."
Matthew 25:40.
No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.
When was the last time that we did something to someone we didn't like out of spite?
How often have we, in a fit of anger, wished that some people around us would just die or have something bad happen to them?
Dear Lord, forgive us for we are sinners. There are times when we get too carried away with our emotions that we fail to see that we are hurting You too. Grant us peace of mind and a loving heart so that we might be more discerning in such instances. We ask this in Your Most Holy Name... Amen.
I will continue, O my God, to do all my actions for the love of You.
wrote at
11:38 PM
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