emotions running high... i feel like laughing... and i dun know y

ooh... my title rhymes... anyway it is exactly how i feel as we draw closer to orientation 1 2008. here's my take on this...

first of all... involvement usually determines whether watever thing is happening is a high point or low point in our journey. but even the low points are high points when we turn our graphs of high and low points upside down as Mr Tan Jek Suan and Mr Leong so rightly pointed out. they are high points cuz it shows us that they are good opportunities to learn and to develop ourselves. right now... O1 2008 is at a low point for me. y? cuz my level of involvement is rather low right now. hopefully, i'll be more involved in O2 and during O1 itself. but tt's beside the point.

one thing tt struck me so far... was how much i really admire those who have so much to do but never complain. they dun keep it in either which is definitely unhealthy but rather, they are able to fully accept whatever they have to do... do it well and keep calm throughout. and that i know... is an extremely hard thing to do for most people... so kudos to ppl like matthias :)

if there was something i learnt from JC1 religion retreat, it wouldn't be tt there will be conflicts. i learnt tt a long time ago. it is tt we should ask for help when we need it and not only tt, but we should have faith in the ppl we work with and not to try to do everything no matter how much we want to. for the CAwingers, remember when i TRIED to organise the retreat events, Mr Pang and Mrs Leong had to remind me that i could and actually should split the CA to do seperate sections. i tried to be involved in all of the areas which made how we were doing things much less efficient. i wanted to do everything cuz i love stuff like planning for retreats (which is y i was also quite disappointed when i wasn't in O1 com). after that realisation hit me, we slit up to do the diff sections like morning praise, ice breakers and night reflection.

i forced myself to trust the ppl doing the other sections, checking up only once in a while and making sure everything was being coordinated properly. i didn't really have to. Clare did a wonderful job for icebreakers for example. i didn't need to worry. knowing when to step back, accepting tt some things are out of our control, trusting the ppl we work with and of course doing the best we can for the things tt are within our control. Most importantly, especially as a CAwinger, i gotta believe tt God has planned for all of this to happen for a reason. whether i can comprehend it or not.

another thing i learned in SJI in an RME lesson... yes... believe it or not... i learned something... Friar Mike asked us wat were our addictions. Ppl gave commonplace answers that were no brainers but Robindro (if i remember correctly) replied... SELF PITY. Addiction to self pity... boy tt was new. i never thought of addictions like THAT. for those who knew me last time... i used to complain a lot... wah so many things to do or watever shit. so poor thing... have to blah blah blah... i thought about it... and i hated tt part of myself. i jus wanted the attention or to use all the things tt i needed to do make myself seem more useful, to hide insecurities etc. tt was SUPERficial. i made a resolution not to dwell in self pity tt night and i've been trying ever since. i've fallen a few times since then although noticeably less that usual and for tt i'm proud of myself.

i still have much more to learn from the ppl involved in O1, committee or not, facil or not, teachers or students, participants or 'in charge's. i'm gonna make O1 a high point... i promise myself and God with us tt this Christmas.

Pray for me? All of you are in my prayers too :) especially those who are feeling the pressures the orientation brings to many.

PS: i still feel like laughing... i bet God is too as He watches all of us struggling so hard when all we have to do is turn to Him for help. :)

wrote at 8:52 PM
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