wat's the deal with rejection?

i initially wanted to post alot of the thoughts that ran through my head these few days... insightful thoughts... but cuz i'm tired i'm gonna compress them into one line summaries for each one. the insightful ones are bolded like this three words.

1. rejection is painful and although one may be good at hiding the pain, it doesn't mean that one doesn't feel it.
2. rejection causes one to think of stupid stuff (NOT SUICIDE in case anyone gets the wrong idea) like the things u hate about urself and this is aggravated by being in the presence of people who have the traits one desires.
3. rejection usually causes more pain than it should cuz of hopes being shattered and plans for the future being utterly destroyed.
4. rejection and the feelings that follow it are often amplified in the presence of people who remind u of the rejection.
5. rejection humbles u and definitely deflates ur ego, no matter whose it might be.
6. rejection is made worse if there is no one whom u think can really be your support in those situations(sad though it appears).
7. rejection is bad enough and you dun have to read romance novels or listen to sad/love songs to make it even more terrible.
8. rejection often makes one ask 'why?'
9. rejection usually leads to self pity which can be addictive.
10. rejection by one person is bad enough... imagine what GOD has to go through each day...

sidetracking...
"Are you WEAK enough to be like JESUS?"
Yes... weak and not strong... curious no? In one of the articles i read in the Catholic news quite a few weeks ago by a certain Father Ronald Rolheiser (his articles are terribly insightful)... he referred to that question.

i'm really tired and so... i'll continue about tt article another day... tmr's cjc's prom btw.

wrote at 7:11 AM
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twilight

darn i was hoping for the book withOUT the movie picture as the cover, the one that was out BEFORE the movie. it says fiction on the spine but it's really a romance/mystery novel thingy. i hav to admit it took me quite a while to get past the first few pages cuz i was distracted by my own thoughts.

anyway, a paragraph struck me...

"Of course he wasn't interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging - a delayed reaction to the onions. I wasn't interesting. And he was. Interesting... and brilliant... and mysterious... and perfect... and beautiful... and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand."

for some strange reason, i couldn't help but feel drawn to this few... well, many words. ok... fine... it isn't really strange. i guess i can relate to that. ooh, the onions part made it cooler, reminded me of penang trip - 'the-onion-to-the-eyes-so-that-we-tear-on-prom' suggestion that sam and i were talking about. hahaha. :P

the book's quite good i suppose, at least so far. michelle asked me to read slower to while away the time but i dun think thats possible. seriously. it was honestly quite hard for me to put down the book so that i could post this before i forgot what i wanted to post.

wrote at 4:55 AM
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Back from Penang Trip

Penang Trip - 20th to 23rd November 2008, after our A's, some still having A's :P

One word summary for each day...
Day 1 - Exciting
Day 2 - Stunned
Day 3 - Fun
Day 4 - Memories

First things first, a huge thanks to everyone for making this trip such an enjoyable one just by being yourselves. Special thanks to Christopher and David who really put in a lot of time and effort to help us organise, Samantha for her 'knowledge' about penang ( :) ) and Martin for being a wonderful PCCG (Pastoral Care Councillor something).

Day 1 - Exciting
Wow, our first trip overseas together as classmates. How cool is that? What should we expect? Can we be responsible without the presence of adults? How much are we going to enjoy ourselves?

The day was mildly tiring, loads of walking though it was definitely quite fun. Much more than the usual trips with family, especially so without having all those 'planned activities' and 'sight-seeing'. This was purely exploration which I might add, is very refreshing for a change.

Day 2 - Stunned
























Food was good, company was good. What else could one wish for? Well... I do have something in mind. THAT thing weighed on my mind the entire day though I tried to hide it. It is NOT my infected toe (which prevented me from participating in a few once in a lifetime activities the rest took part in) for those who are speculating. Parasailing, Banana Boating, Jet Skiing... All I had was a frisbee with no one to play with, loads of bags I had to take care of, cameras which needed to be used (to capture memories that were actually quite redundant since they would be engraved in everyone's minds) and a lot of time to recover from... ...

Why? Does it really have to be that way? A sinking feeling slowly began to fill me. There was no one I could turn to... alone. Not physically but in almost every other way. I prayed that night, I prayed that I may be given the strength to understand and not seek to be understood, no matter what I was going through. A sense of relief, a sense of great disappointment and the feeling of hopes being shattered, a sense of impatience, a sense of being envious, a pain that transcends that of the body and a sense of disorientation and confusion.

Drinks were good, company was good. I'm not too sure about the day though.

Day 3 - Fun
Free and easy. Sam, Ernest, Mich, Hubert and myself... wet markets looking for frogs... food... shopping... arcade... great time... seafood restaurant... back to the bar again later at night (4 of us)... Most fun day admittedly. Hope it was good for the other group too.
There were some points when I became rather agitated (managed not to show)... but still a wonderful day.




























Day 4 - Memories
Ummm... we went back. What more can I say other than it was memorable. The experiences from this trip are now etched in my brain. Permanently I believe. Both the scars and the laughter.















It's definitely been a rollercoaster ride for me. To those who know what I'm refering to... good for you. To those who do not... these few sentences do not exist in your head. Repeat after me... "i will NOT notice these few sentences". Tremendous joy a moment and great despair the next moment.

The Lord is my shepherd and there is nothing I shall want...

wrote at 5:00 AM
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